Five Simple Ways to Get through the Holiday during the Divorce

1) Remember that this holiday season is a transition period for you, your spouse, and your children. It will get better.

2) Get the support you need. Anyone going through a divorce should be in counseling. Divorce is the death of a marriage and you need help during the grieving process.

3) Try and remember how difficult this is for your children. So much has changed for them. Put them first and try and minimize as much change as you can for them;  if they spent a particular holiday celebrating with their grandparents or extended family don’t take that away from them

4) If you have a court order outlining parenting time for the holidays follow it; if you or your ex want to change realize it has to be agreeable to the both of you and it should be agreed to in writing such as email, text or letter.

5) Begin making memories and new traditions. Think of this as an opportunity to do something different perhaps go and cut down your own tree. Make a gingerbread house. Volunteer with your children at a charity. There is no better way to feel better than to help someone else.

Finally remember this could be a season of joy, celebration, and new beginnings.

A Future After Divorce

Divorce may be considered an ending, but it is also a beginning - the beginning of your new life as a divorced person.  During the process of your divorce, your attorney should assist you in putting together a plan for your life. 

These are the questions you should ask yourself during the divorce process:

1. Have you put together a budget?
2. Do you have a financial plan in place?
3. Do you have a plan regarding how to pay off debt? 
4. Do you have a plan for retirement?
5. If you are receiving retirement benefits from a spouse, do you know what to do legally to obtain them?  How to invest these assets?
6. Do you know how you will file your taxes after the divorce? 
7. What medical insurance will you have?
8. Does your spouse have life insurance to secure child support or pension benefits? 
9. What kind of parenting agreement is in place? Are there provisions for when the children get older?  Are holidays, vacation and/or relocation issues addressed? 

It is crucial to ask these important questions and to have professionals in place to give you the benefit of their expertise on these issues. 

You may give my office a call at 718-213-4746 to schedule an appointment to meet with me.

To Divorce or not to Divorce

             To divorce or not to divorce may be the question, but the answer may not be yours to give. Unfortunately, if your spouse wants a divorce that is enough. Since the institution of no fault divorce a spouse may be thrown into a whirlwind of emotional, economic, and lifestyle changes without any recourse while his or her marriage ends.  Today 45% to 50% of first marriages end in divorce. It is 60%-70% for second marriages, and 70%-73% for third marriages. Knowing you are not alone, however; gives little comfort to those experiencing the harsh reality of divorce.

            Anyone going through a divorce must realize there are four aspects of a divorce. I categorize them as the legal, the emotional, the financial, and the final chapter. As a divorce attorney with over 25 years experience I cannot stress enough how each of these stages must be given the appropriate time and attention. Your attorney can help guide you through the process; however, one must seek the help and expertise of other professionals as well. Your attorney is not a therapist; and the court cannot heal your pain, exact revenge, fix your marriage, solve all your problems, or bring your spouse back home. It is a court of law.

            Anyone going through a divorce needs the support of a therapist. Especially if there are children involved it is important to deal with whatever anger, or anxiety you are experiencing in therapy so you can effectively co parent. You may be divorcing your spouse but you still are the parents of your children and your lives will remain intertwined.

            When it comes to the legal process of divorce itself hire an experienced matrimonial attorney;  one who recognizes the financial and emotional devastation divorce can cause and will try and  expedite the process and use  forms of dispute resolution if possible. Your attorney should be someone you can trust, will advise you of what the law is, and what is in your best interest (not what you want to hear). The more conflict there is the higher the attorney fees. Collaborative law is a revolutionary way to divorce which treats parties with respect and dignity and is solution based rather than adversarial.  A divorce does not have to done in a courtroom and that will save you and your spouse money, time, and stress. Many cases can be completed between both attorneys through meetings, discussions and use of financial experts as needed. This is always preferable. However, if your spouse will not cooperate and there is no way to obtain financial information or  receive what you are entitled to-- court proceedings must be commenced immediately.

            The next stage is the financial and economic aspect of a divorce. This is very challenging. Think about it logically there is only one pie and if it is cut up it is no longer a whole pie. Even if you get half or more than half it is still not whole.  In addition, the same assets and income has to support two households. An attorney who sees the entire picture and works with a financial planner, accountant, or other financial experts can help minimize the losses and create a settlement that will be most beneficial.

            The last stage of divorce, the final chapter, is what I call the “the happily ever after.” If you are in the throes of a divorce  this may seem like an impossibility. I assure you it is not. Your marriage may have died but you haven’t. It is a fresh start and who knows where it will lead.  

- Anne-Louise Depalo